I recently sent a text to a male friend thanking him for being an honorable man true to his word.
“Thank you for being intentional,” he texted back to me.
Those words stopped me cold. Of all the words I have used to describe myself, ‘intentional’ has never been one of the first words to come to mind. And I really love that word.
However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized something – sheesh, he’s right. I am intentional. Perhaps, too intentional for my own good most days.
I recently bumped into someone who literally lit me up from the inside out. He resonated with me and who I am on every, single level; so much so that I felt certain it was kismet he had been dropped in my path. I knew the communication had been sparse; however, I incorrectly assumed once we sparked, if we did, that would organically shift.
I was wrong. I can’t even say it stood still – it flat-out regressed backwards.
This encounter woke me up to my need for healthy communication. The truth is, communication is critical to success in partner relationships. It’s critical because it builds trust. And remember – communication builds trust and trust builds intimacy.
So what does not honoring your word look like? It looks like this: “I want to see you. Let me know when and where and I will be there.” So, I give him a date. “Give me two to three days and I will get back with you,” he replies. Days go by. Nothing. I ask again. Nothing. For the love of all – don’t say just say when and where and I will be there, then offer two to three days and ten days later keep avoiding the topic. Use your courage and your big boy voice to speak the honest truth, whatever it is. That is the honorable thing to do. Anything else is unacceptable. Period.
Same goes for planning a date night. There are far too many men who flake out and cancel at the last minute. I know two of them now – three cancels each last minute, one of them with zero communication at all. My response to them? Buh-bye.
I ain’t got time to teach a grown ass man what respectful looks like. Whatever your truth – good, bad, ugly – step up and speak it.
The adverb intentionally is defined as on purpose. However, intentionality is defined as a philosophy. The encyclopedia further defines it as the characteristic of consciousness whereby it is conscious of something i.e. it is directed toward an object. Other definitions and schools of thought describe intentionality as “a piece of rationality and these forms of rationality of which intentionality is share one important trait: they involve propositional attitudes, particularly belief and desire” (source Philosophy of mind).
With all that said, my personal take on intentionality is living and making decisions with conscious thought in how we execute our lives, what defines our character and/or how we show up in this world every day.
Every day we get to make a choice about what we say, what we do, what we allow or disallow in our lives. Every day we get to use intentionality, our awakeness really, to further define who we are and how we show up.
To those few who already honor their word, thank you. Mad love and mad props.
If you aren’t, step up or shut up. Seriously. You fuck it up for honorable people when you mislead, misrepresent, hide or lie. You do.
Honoring your word is everything. Be intentional with your words. Mean what you say; say what you mean.
Saying what you mean and delivering on it is the only way to be the very best, most intentional, most trustworthy, sexiest, most beautiful version of you.
That’s my very not so sexy truth.